I am a comedian. I’m
also a lady. Though I can by all accounts
with absolute certainty call myself a lady (it’s genetically true), I always
have a slight trepidation when it comes to calling myself a comedian. It’s not because I really suck at it (I kind
of do), but because I hesitate using that term when I’m not in any way a
working comedian. It’s the same sort of
feeling I have when some twenty-something tells me they’re an ‘artist.’ I have performed at several places and
festivals and I’ve even managed to do feature sets for notable actual
comedians, but the fact remains, I can still end up being bumped from an open
mic list or relegated to a less than ten minute set at a show produced by
friends of mine. Point being, I have a
couple of years of stand-up experience under my belt, but I tend to stay out of
conversations about comedy and comedians with other comedians for the sole purpose
that although I have an opinion, I know that it may be written off by those
people based mostly on my lack of experience in their eyes. I don’t agree, but I get it. Comedians are, not surprisingly, a weird
group of people. I suppose I shouldn’t
say ALL comedians are weird, because that probably isn’t true, but I can
definitely say most of the ones I know (including myself) are in one way or
another. Maybe even more surprisingly, (depending
on your views regarding the element of surprise) most comedians are also SUPER
SENSITIVE. I have heard several comics
countless times say something along the lines of, “No topics are off limits.”
Agreed. Yet, those same people
will then turn around and tell you that discussing those “topics” they
mentioned in their set is in fact, off limits.
Thus, this is where the discussion of shitty jokes involving sensitive
topics like sexual orientation, sexism, race or rape gets
complicated/hypocritical.
As a lover of comedy and as a comedian, I agree that we
should have freedom onstage to say and joke about whatever we want. I will defend that right to my grave (unless
it involves being shot). It’s something
called the First Amendment. In my
pointless pre-law course days of college, I defended the Ku Klux Klan’s right
to burn crosses on their property as a protected First Amendment right of free “symbolic”
speech in a mock Supreme Court trial. I
won. I’m still proud of that. When it comes to freedoms, we must allow the
bad in order to protect the good. If we
start to restrict rights based on opinions, this could lead to the restrictions
of all of us and freedom becomes lost. That
being said, what I don’t understand, is the idea that you can say whatever you
want, but you shouldn’t have to be held accountable for it. I understand comedy is an art to some degree,
but it is an art form laced with opinions and statements. A racist person has the freedom to say racist
things. In the same vein, a person of
color has every right to tell that person what a racist piece of shit they
are. Turns out, this freedom of speech thing
works both ways.
I mentioned earlier that I was a lady. That is still true. It may have seemed pointless at the time, but
I mentioned it for a reason. As a woman,
rape is a regular fear and anxiety of my existence. That doesn’t mean that I look over my
shoulder every minute expecting to be raped, but it’s a palpable fear that I
will experience in certain scenarios for the remainder of my life. Rape and sexual assault have practically
become a part of puberty for most women. You’re hyper aware that statistically, it may
one day happen to you, if sadly, it hasn’t already. I have more female friends that are rape
victims than not and I myself have experienced different forms of sexual assault throughout my pre and post
adolescence and have fended off what may have lead to rape at least twice. I don’t mean to say that in any way I’m a
courageous person (I honestly found my way out of situations based largely on
circumstances that involved another person entering the room) I mention this
because since I’ve managed to escape a full on sexual assault up until now, I
still feel this feeling of foreboding that it could still be on the horizon for
me. It is a depressing, disgusting and horrifying
truth for most women.
Now, that being said, for men, this fear is slight if not
non-existent. Because women fear rape
regularly and men may not, this doesn’t mean women are better people or that
men haven’t been raped or can’t fathom the fear of being raped or can’t
understand how terrifying brutal sexual assault is in all its forms. What this does mean is that as women, women
who have sadly experienced the horror that is sexual assault by a stranger or perceived
loved one or carry the traumatizing story of a family member or friend who has
experienced it or live with the constant burden of expecting it, DO NOT LIKE TO
BE MOCKED ABOUT BEING RAPED, PERIOD.
Rape is NOT FUNNY. How many fucking times does someone have to
say this? RAPE IS NOT FUNNY. Somehow, this seems to be lost on
people. There are rape jokes that are
funny, but RAPE ITSELF IS NOT FUNNY.
I’ll attempt to explain further. What you are missing here in your hacky,
dated act, comedian, is that the butt of the joke should not be the act of rape
or how serious people take the act of rape.
Those jokes are not funny because those things are not funny. Every time you say shit like, “Well, Carlin or Louis C.K. would disagree,”
YOU ARE MISSING THE ENTIRE POINT OF EVERYTHING THEY WERE TRYING TO DO! Smart comedy takes a political topic or
social taboo and makes light of that topic or taboo. Meaning, if you are attempting to make light
of the horrors in the world, which is so possible and the entire purpose of great
comedy as opposed to generic jokes, make fun of the actual horrible thing. You are not making fun of rape by making fun
of rape victims or how serious people take rape. Since when should rape not be taken
seriously? What you are doing in both
scenarios is mocking women for being raped or fearing rape. How is this making light of a horrible thing? If you didn’t know, women not only have to
deal with the fear or the act of rape, but also have to deal with this shitty
sexist culture that tells us it’s no big deal or that it was somehow our fault. You know how you actually make people feel
better about horrible things like rape and sexist rape culture? You mock the rapist. You mock the very idea that rape isn’t a big
deal. That’s how. You attack the social norms that rape is the
fault of the victim and that women should just relax about the whole rape
thing. You know who could really use a
laugh about something as controversial and heavy as rape? WOMEN.
Women are the ones that need you to make light of something so dark for
them. So keep that in mind when you tell
your rape joke onstage because honestly, do you want to tell a joke mocking
rape victims where the only ones in the crowd laughing are men that agree that
rape isn’t a big deal or that women had that shit coming?
I have some rape jokes in my act. Some I used to tell and some I still do. Recently I wrote a bit that was based on
something that really happened to me. I
was working a late shift at work and had walked over to a local sandwich place
on my lunch break. On the way back to
work, a truck started driving really slow beside me as I walked on the
sidewalk. The guy on the passenger side
rolled down his window and shouted at me, “You’re so fucking lucky, bitch! You’re so fucking lucky!” Then they slowly drove by. This experience, especially in the moments
leading up to him rolling down the window and pausing before they drove away, was
FUCKING TERRIFYING. In that moment, I
had that thought most women have in scenarios such as these which was, “These guys are going to rape me.” The joke I wrote based off the experience
went like this:
“…Then, the guy in the
passenger side (who is clearly a scrub) rolls down the window and shouts at me,
‘You’re so fucking lucky, bitch! You’re so fucking lucky!’ and they proceed to
just…drive off. So then of course I
thought to myself…what did I win? It
couldn’t have been the sandwich I was carrying because I paid for that
shit. Did I win NOT getting sexually
assaulted by these gentlemen in this truck?
Like, were they up the street saying to themselves, ‘Oh, we’re totally
going to rape this person’ and then when they rolled up thought ‘Wow, you’re so
fucking lucky you’re ugly in the face because this rape was IMMINENT from a
block away!”
My point to mention that joke isn’t to promote it, I’m not
necessarily proud of it or anything, I’m just making the point that I make rape
jokes too. I’m not saying this is an
example of a good rape joke, I’m not even saying it’s a good joke. What I am saying is I made a joke about it
because this is a common experience women have and I wanted to make light of
something we all fear. The good news is,
it didn’t happen. The bad news is, we
live in a society where that was my first thought. Jokes involving rape are not in any way off
limits in my mind to women OR MEN. But
people have to be responsible for what they say, while still being allowed to
say it. Comedy is in no way, above this. All I ask, all any decent person asks from
your rape jokes is one thing, be smart, but most of all BE FUNNY.
