Saturday, April 28, 2012

Did You Know Racism Is Funny? It Is! Just Ask This Young White Lady Who Calls Her Boyfriend A Spic As A Joke!

This is Kyria Abrahams.
She has a GREAT sense of humor
Recently, a writer for the blog Jezebel, Lindy West, penned an article entitled "A Complete Guide to Hipster Racism." The article addresses the trend of young, seemingly intelligent people making racist comments and jokes in an "ironic" way, thought of as "making fun" of racism, therefore it's considered among those that do it, not to be racist.  Lindy West proceeds to tear this ignorant idiocy a new asshole.   It's brilliant.  You should read it.

Not surprisingly, but still sadly, Lindy is receiving a lot of criticism from racists, wanna-bes and that group of people whining they should be able to call their black friends 'n*****' as a joke if they want to without anyone thinking they're assholes.  All that stupidity aside, one blogger took her distaste for Lindy's logic to an even more distasteful level.  Kyria Abrahams, writer of a book and other blog entries at some point, wrote a response to Lindy West's article on the blog Street Carnage she entitled, "The Myth of Hipster Racism."  In it, she not only proves she's a complete clueless idiot, but also takes the "my black friend says it's okay" argument to new extremes, managing to do nothing but prove Lindy's point that 'hipster racism' is alive and well and very, very fucking stupid.  

I wrote a long, impassioned response to Kyria's article that I attempted to post via it's comment thread.  It was rejected three times.  Meanwhile, long responses in which internet trolls call Lindy 'fat' and make such eloquent points as 'get rid of the n*****s," remain to keep the discourse fair and balanced.  From there I decided to send my response to Kyria via e-mail.  I haven't heard back.  Continuing the tradition of posting open letters to people on this blog they will never read, here is my response to this shitty article in full.

Dear Kyria Abrahams,

Thanks for posting the picture of your either Spanish or Puerto Rican (you seemed confused) boyfriend to in fact prove to your readers that you are being like, totally honest when you say you are totally willing to fuck a colored person whose ethnicity apparently constantly preoccupies your mind.  This article is incredibly sad to me.  It was such a breath of fresh air to have someone finally mention how shitty it is to think you can get away with making racist jokes under the guise of you don't mean it to actually be racist.  Then, of course, heroes like you hear the term 'white privilege' and words like 'you shouldn't' and flip out because you can't stop being told that the hateful shit you say meaning to be edgy, but don't intend to be hateful shit is indeed hateful shit.  I get it.  You don't want to think you're a shitty hateful person.  No one wants to think that about themselves.  When white people hear the word "racist" they think, I can't be racist because I don't hate people for who they are.  Maybe you don't, but also, maybe you should stop to think when publishing things like: 

"Why? Because he’s not a pathetic, overly sensitive minority who is nothing more than a victim to the white hipsters in his immediate environment. He’s a self-actualized man who can tell the difference between real racism (like when he was falsely accused of shoplifting as a teenager) and joke racism (like gifted soap)."

What is this?  The 'if I accept I'm a victim, I'm saying I'm weak' scenario?  If I'm proud of my ethnicity, therefore I don't stand for people to shit on it for no reason and especially for a cheap laugh, than I'm not "self-actualized"?  So because I don't appreciate when I show up to something a few minutes late and a white person says, "Someone is on colored people time" as a joke, than I'm "pathetic"?  Because I don't like comments made to remind me that I'm part of a racial minority that is stereotyped, underrepresented, mistreated and oppressed (actions I don't wish to enable or allow) than I'm "overly sensitive"?

The act of speaking out against racism in any fashion as a minority is the MOST 'self-actualized' thing you can do.  To confront white friends (at the risk of being told you're 'over sensitive' or 'uppity') that their constant jokes regarding your ethnicity are showing clear signs they are weirdly preoccupied with it and that the shit they say is racist whether they mean it hatefully or not, is anything but victimizing yourself.  Especially when this new 'hip' idea of making fun of racism by making racist comments to friends or in your case, the person you date, is so prevalent.   

Your thought process here is so incredibly hurtful and disheartening.  I honestly don't want to say anything to belittle or attack you personally.  I wish you could just wake up and see how devastatingly wrong you are.  You obviously seem to have some intelligence and have the ability to write and spread your opinions, yet you've chosen to use that ability to defend the use of the word 'spic,' to tell minorities to stop being sensitive and complaining about racism and to copy and paste someone's quote on their right as a non-black person to use the n-word.  

Please be aware that you can't possibly know what it feels like to be called a 'spic' or the 'n-word.'  Those words will never carry the weight with you that they do for Hispanic and Black people in this country.  There is a hurtful and hateful history behind those words.  It's similar to when a man is angry with a woman and calls her a 'bitch.'  It's not just a word.  It's a reminder of your place in society.  It's being told that you're nothing.  You're less than nothing.  You're second-class.  So no, I don't think it's oversensitive to not want to see it in a card from someone I love.  

The really sad part of your article was that you wrote it to prove that you are not racist and ironic racism is totally okay when if fact, all you've really proven here is that Lindy West is right.  This new form of 'naive' racism is just as fucking hurtful, except now as a minority experiencing it, you're not allowed to confront these hateful words because the speaker can cover their comments with "it's just a joke."  In your great new form of racial humor, as minorities, we are meant to feel badly about feeling badly. Thanks to the false idea of 'ironic racism' you don't only hear 'spic' from the random old racist you encounter, but from a friend or loved one your age who is supposed to care about you.  What a great cause to so enthusiastically put all your white privilege behind in order to defend.  


Elicia Sanchez

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Food Fight: Episode 1: Attack Of The Passive Aggressive College Dorm Note Leaving!

Refrigerate after opening.
For anyone that has ever bothered to listen to my stand up either in person or by mere coincidence, to you I say, thank you.  Also, I'm sorry it wasn't what you dreamed of or what you wanted or what it was.  Also, I don't know why I'm making this apology vaguely sexual.  Either or, if you have heard any of my stand up, you may be aware that I have a joke about a person at my office job establishment that is a serious fridge Nazi.  I understand the comparison is weak at best, but besides using the term Nazi to describe historically accurate human atrocities, I'm pretty sure I can use it to describe someone being uptight and territorial about refrigerator space.  I'm pretty sure.

Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by my own logic, said member of the Third Reich takes SERIOUS issue when anyone in the office leaves anything in the shared refrigerator longer than 24 hours without properly labeling their food items with precise person name and food birth/death date attached via permanent marking devices.  This is in fact SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT that in the past, when I've ignorantly and viciously left bottles of hot sauce just like, OUT and NOT IN THE FRIDGE, previously mentioned She-Wolf of the S.S. will place these bottles of spice and vinegar that require absolutely no refrigeration, within the confines of the shared office refrigerator for the sole purpose of leaving a passive aggressive college dorm-like note upon them that reads, "Who do these belong to?" in a tone I can only assume is fraught with panic and anxiety.

I initially responded to this act of war with tolerance and understanding, merely removing the panicked Post-it and marking each bottle with my namesake.  The expiration was left out due to the fact it was currently typed already on each bottle.  I feel this was a kind and fair gesture.  A peace flag in a world of wrongs, plagued by insecurity and imagined limited space.  Surely they will see that I meant no harm.  I only wish to eat bland burritos at my desk in peace.  Sadly, as of today, this truce was ignored.

Look at this full ass freezer!!  My bacon box is
practically SUFFOCATING those bagel dogs!!!
Jesus Christ, how did I let this happen??!
Last Tuesday, I made the mistake of purchasing a small thin box of fake bacon from my local trader of Joes.  As if that wasn't bad enough,  I then had the unmitigated fucking GAUL to leave my box of fake bacon in the shared freezer at work for like, 76 hours.  Who the FUCK do I think I am?  Someone beyond personal penmanship requirements?  Someone that is not only too good to eat real pork products, but too good to proudly attach my name to my condescending soy protein impostors as well?  Someone that works in this office and has use of this shared refrigerator space legitimately?  Yes.  Turns out, I am ALL of those people.

Don't worry though.  I got mine.  When I opened the freezer this morning at my office intending to microwave up some strips of lies, I was promptly presented with a brightly colored threat.

That's right.  Bets are off.  Gloves are gone.
How did I handle this clear act of terrorism?  The only way a person who has in fact lived in a college dorm with six female strangers can.  I responded via passive aggressive note of my own.

Initially, that did say, "Please Don't Touch My Food," but I decided it's time to drop the act.
The first stone has been thrown, my friends.  Winter is here.  Now, the only thing we can look forward to in the coming days will be massive bloodshed.  Straight up, massive bloodshed.