Elicia Sanchez is a Seattle-based stand-up comedian. She is too lazy/broke to make a website. This is her blog about bullshit you won't care about.
Showing posts with label Open Letter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Open Letter. Show all posts
Friday, August 23, 2013
BREAKING NEWS!!! I HAVE A WEBSITE!!
Hello friends and other people,
I have finally scraped together the funds and html coding knowledge to now have my VERY OWN WEBSITE!! That of course means, this blog will no longer be up to date opinion, photo or calendar-wise. For all current info about me and my dumb things, please go to:
Hearts and farts,
E
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Did You Know Racism Is Funny? It Is! Just Ask This Young White Lady Who Calls Her Boyfriend A Spic As A Joke!
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| This is Kyria Abrahams. She has a GREAT sense of humor |
Recently, a writer for the blog Jezebel, Lindy West, penned an article entitled "A Complete Guide to Hipster Racism." The article addresses the trend of young, seemingly intelligent people making racist comments and jokes in an "ironic" way, thought of as "making fun" of racism, therefore it's considered among those that do it, not to be racist. Lindy West proceeds to tear this ignorant idiocy a new asshole. It's brilliant. You should read it.
Not surprisingly, but still sadly, Lindy is receiving a lot of criticism from racists, wanna-bes and that group of people whining they should be able to call their black friends 'n*****' as a joke if they want to without anyone thinking they're assholes. All that stupidity aside, one blogger took her distaste for Lindy's logic to an even more distasteful level. Kyria Abrahams, writer of a book and other blog entries at some point, wrote a response to Lindy West's article on the blog Street Carnage she entitled, "The Myth of Hipster Racism." In it, she not only proves she's a complete clueless idiot, but also takes the "my black friend says it's okay" argument to new extremes, managing to do nothing but prove Lindy's point that 'hipster racism' is alive and well and very, very fucking stupid.
I wrote a long, impassioned response to Kyria's article that I attempted to post via it's comment thread. It was rejected three times. Meanwhile, long responses in which internet trolls call Lindy 'fat' and make such eloquent points as 'get rid of the n*****s," remain to keep the discourse fair and balanced. From there I decided to send my response to Kyria via e-mail. I haven't heard back. Continuing the tradition of posting open letters to people on this blog they will never read, here is my response to this shitty article in full.
Dear Kyria Abrahams,
Thanks for posting the picture of your either Spanish or
Puerto Rican (you seemed confused) boyfriend to in fact prove to your readers
that you are being like, totally honest when you say you are totally willing to
fuck a colored person whose ethnicity apparently constantly preoccupies your
mind. This article is incredibly sad to
me. It was such a breath of fresh air to
have someone finally mention how shitty it is to think you can get away with
making racist jokes under the guise of you don't mean it to actually be racist. Then, of course, heroes like you hear the term 'white privilege' and words like 'you shouldn't' and
flip out because you can't stop being told that the hateful shit you say
meaning to be edgy, but don't intend to be hateful shit is indeed hateful shit. I get it.
You don't want to think you're a shitty hateful person. No one wants to think that about
themselves. When white people hear the
word "racist" they think, I can't be racist because I don't hate
people for who they are. Maybe you
don't, but also, maybe you should stop to think when publishing things like:
"Why? Because he’s not a pathetic, overly sensitive
minority who is nothing more than a victim to the white hipsters in his
immediate environment. He’s a self-actualized man who can tell the difference
between real racism (like when he was falsely accused of shoplifting as a
teenager) and joke racism (like gifted soap)."
What is this? The 'if
I accept I'm a victim, I'm saying I'm weak' scenario? If I'm proud of my ethnicity, therefore I
don't stand for people to shit on it for no reason and especially for a cheap
laugh, than I'm not "self-actualized"? So because I don't appreciate when I show up
to something a few minutes late and a white person says, "Someone is on
colored people time" as a joke, than I'm "pathetic"? Because I don't like comments made to remind
me that I'm part of a racial minority that is stereotyped, underrepresented,
mistreated and oppressed (actions I don't wish to enable or allow) than I'm "overly
sensitive"?
The act of speaking out against racism in any fashion as a
minority is the MOST 'self-actualized' thing you can do. To confront white friends (at the risk of
being told you're 'over sensitive' or 'uppity') that their constant jokes
regarding your ethnicity are showing clear signs they are weirdly preoccupied
with it and that the shit they say is racist whether they mean it hatefully or
not, is anything but victimizing yourself.
Especially when this new 'hip' idea of making fun of racism by making
racist comments to friends or in your case, the person you date, is so
prevalent.
Your thought process here is so incredibly hurtful and
disheartening. I honestly don't want to
say anything to belittle or attack you personally. I wish you could just wake up and see how
devastatingly wrong you are. You
obviously seem to have some intelligence and have the ability to write and
spread your opinions, yet you've chosen to use that ability to defend the use of the word 'spic,' to tell minorities to stop being sensitive and complaining about
racism and to copy and paste someone's quote on their right as a non-black
person to use the n-word.
Please be aware that you can't possibly know what it feels
like to be called a 'spic' or the 'n-word.'
Those words will never carry the weight with you that they do for
Hispanic and Black people in this country.
There is a hurtful and hateful history behind those words. It's similar to when a man is angry with a
woman and calls her a 'bitch.' It's not
just a word. It's a reminder of your
place in society. It's being told that
you're nothing. You're less than
nothing. You're second-class. So no, I don't think it's oversensitive to not want to see it in a card
from someone I love.
The really sad part of your article was that you wrote it to
prove that you are not racist and ironic racism is totally okay when if fact,
all you've really proven here is that Lindy West is right. This new form of 'naive' racism is just as
fucking hurtful, except now as a minority experiencing it, you're not allowed to
confront these hateful words because the speaker can cover their comments with
"it's just a joke." In your great new form of racial humor, as minorities, we are meant to feel badly about
feeling badly. Thanks to the false idea of 'ironic racism' you don't only hear
'spic' from the random old racist you encounter, but from a friend or loved one
your age who is supposed to care about you.
What a great cause to so enthusiastically put all your white privilege behind in order to defend.
Sincerely,
Elicia Sanchez
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Food Fight: Episode 1: Attack Of The Passive Aggressive College Dorm Note Leaving!
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| Refrigerate after opening. |
Like I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by my own logic, said member of the Third Reich takes SERIOUS issue when anyone in the office leaves anything in the shared refrigerator longer than 24 hours without properly labeling their food items with precise person name and food birth/death date attached via permanent marking devices. This is in fact SO GODDAMN IMPORTANT that in the past, when I've ignorantly and viciously left bottles of hot sauce just like, OUT and NOT IN THE FRIDGE, previously mentioned She-Wolf of the S.S. will place these bottles of spice and vinegar that require absolutely no refrigeration, within the confines of the shared office refrigerator for the sole purpose of leaving a passive aggressive college dorm-like note upon them that reads, "Who do these belong to?" in a tone I can only assume is fraught with panic and anxiety.
I initially responded to this act of war with tolerance and understanding, merely removing the panicked Post-it and marking each bottle with my namesake. The expiration was left out due to the fact it was currently typed already on each bottle. I feel this was a kind and fair gesture. A peace flag in a world of wrongs, plagued by insecurity and imagined limited space. Surely they will see that I meant no harm. I only wish to eat bland burritos at my desk in peace. Sadly, as of today, this truce was ignored.
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| Look at this full ass freezer!! My bacon box is practically SUFFOCATING those bagel dogs!!! Jesus Christ, how did I let this happen??! |
Don't worry though. I got mine. When I opened the freezer this morning at my office intending to microwave up some strips of lies, I was promptly presented with a brightly colored threat.
| That's right. Bets are off. Gloves are gone. |
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| Initially, that did say, "Please Don't Touch My Food," but I decided it's time to drop the act. |
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Dear Green Lantern...
Hi. I know you're probably pretty busy right now promoting your new movie starring Ry Rey and a Gossip Girl, but there's something I need to tell you and no, it can't wait. Listen, I have to be honest. This whole time we've known eachother, I've been faking it. Every time I got excited about you, I was lying. Every time I heard the verse to your "In the darkest night..." thing, I faked that fanboy squeal. I never thought you were very cool. I still don't think you're very cool. I don't know your backstory very well and I never bothered to look into it because, well, it's boring. You want to be Superman, but you're not. You wear a giant pimp ring and carry a camping lantern. Superman's kryptonite is kryptonite. Yours is the color yellow. Yeah. Holy shit is that lame. Just think about it.
I know this is sort of harsh, but it honestly needs to be said. I was okay not openly judging you and those who love you for years because you were never much of a threat to my general enjoyment. Just always hung out at the DC Superhero party and never bothered anyone. Now, with the release of this movie, that has changed. I will no longer stand idly by and let this phallacy continue. You are not an interesting character. Even Ryan Reynolds cannot save your movie. I don't care how many times he takes off his pants and makes dick innuendos. No one cares anymore. His mystery has been solved. Anyway, if you could see fit to return to your boring ongoing comic series and non-existant other forms of advertising, it would be highly appreciated. I prefer not to see your fans outside of their basement apartments.
Thanks,
Elicia
I know this is sort of harsh, but it honestly needs to be said. I was okay not openly judging you and those who love you for years because you were never much of a threat to my general enjoyment. Just always hung out at the DC Superhero party and never bothered anyone. Now, with the release of this movie, that has changed. I will no longer stand idly by and let this phallacy continue. You are not an interesting character. Even Ryan Reynolds cannot save your movie. I don't care how many times he takes off his pants and makes dick innuendos. No one cares anymore. His mystery has been solved. Anyway, if you could see fit to return to your boring ongoing comic series and non-existant other forms of advertising, it would be highly appreciated. I prefer not to see your fans outside of their basement apartments.
Thanks,
Elicia
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Dear X-Men...
Hi. It's Elicia. No, not Alisha. Elicia. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I liked your new prequel movie. For the most part. It was pretty cool. I guess what I should say is I wanted to let you know how much I liked the beginning of your movie, where Erik Lehnsherr (aka Magneto played by Michael Fassbender) goes around speaking different languages, breaking into banks and hunting down Nazis. That was fucking rad. Please filter any and all money you receive from the production of your new film into the making of that movie. The one you should call, Magneto: Nazi Killer. You can have that title. I promise not to sue.Thanks again.
Your fan,
Elicia (Not Alisha) Sanchez
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